Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Apparently, I'm having a good day as a Mommy.

Take this test!
There's no doubt about it: Your world revolves around your kids, and love is evident in almost everything you do for them, whether you're making their school lunches, videotaping their school performances — or pulling them in for a great big hug.

You've probably got a bit of a traditional streak and may have a somewhat old-fashioned approach to parenting (such as trying to wrangle everyone together to eat dinner as a family every night). Your friends and family may tease you a bit about how much you protect your kids — and it's true that you're a bit of a mama bear inside; you're likely to take your kids' sides when they fight with their friends or get in trouble in school. But everyone admires the warmth you exude, and your unshakable belief in your children.

And the picture of the day (well, evening)...right before a thunderstorm...

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Weekly Warning 4/27/08

Be very specific when you tell your child to put something on.

Regan (the future Sister Regan Claire of St. Paula of Perpetual Pain in the Bottom Convent) showed up in my living room, bee-bopping in her roller skates completely au naturale. Wearing nothing but her skates and a grin.

"Put something else on." I thought I displayed remarkable restraint but I did roll my eyes.

You have to understand this is somewhat normal behavior in my household. No one really raises an eyebrow at what my children do anymore. If it isn't hurting anything or illegal, we brush it off and hope the kids permanently block out their childhood or at least until they are legal adults.

Dave was reading the police blotter of our local newspaper looking for relatives or the latest drunk in public charges. Wesley was no where to be found. He was probably trying to sell himself on Ebay. The Collie flicked his tail in annoyance because his nap was interrupted. The old Aussie groaned and rolled over off the fireplace to lumber to calmer rooms. Apparently, I was the only one who showed a reaction.

Ray comes back in four minutes--wearing her trusty roller skates and a Spiderman Mask and still naked. Secret super hero identity, perhaps Naked Arachnid Child? A nudie conversion of "Super Hero Girl" (see previous entry for a picture Regan's earlier hero incarnation)?

"Regan. Cover yourself up!" My restraint was wearing thin and I had dropped a stitch.

"How did you know it was me?" Regan asks puzzled. How could she honestly believe I don't recognize that paper white butt and flowing blond hair? She didn't wait for an answer as her maniacal laughter echoes down the hall. From what other parents tell me, it only gets worse.

Stan Lee never had to put up with this behavior from Peter Parker. On the other hand, it's probably behavior best suited for a villain.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Contest Winners!

Random winner is Kitten with a Whiplash. The Kitten is getting the four skein prize.

My knitting group could not decide a clear winner of the strangest weekly winner among all the entries. Three entries received the same amount of votes. I had to abstain because I loved them all.

The winners are: Twins 2005, Crazzy Bunny, Dove Knits

I've got to figure out all the prizes now. One of the winners will get the Louet Flare and Andes Wool. The other two will get equally lovely prizes.

Congrats to all the winners and thanks for making me feel not so strange.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sunsets, Projects and Goons, OH MY!

Inspired by Lil' Knitter, I started taking pictures (not professionally or anything). I have a digital camera but it's rarely used. So I figured why not?

A sunset from my deck a few evenings ago...

My current project in some yarn I dug up from my stash. Who knows where I got it from but I think it's Knit Picks something or other....Stolen Moments Wrap.

And finally so you can sleep peacefully tonight knowing the world is safe from evil felines and mean Mommies (me):

SUPER HERO GIRL to the rescue!!! And Ray gave herself the name...

She is toting an orange cone she lifted from the local soccer field (it's back now), her favorite blanket, her cat eye sunglasses, and a movie "Cars" hoodie towel. The girl is a total loon, I tell you.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Weekly Warning 4/19/08

Don't talk to guys dressed like the Statue of Liberty.

You would think that is a no-brainer but nooooooo, I made the mistake of saying "Hi" to an embattled middle aged, toga attired employee of a tax preparer who was holding a large sign advertising their fast refunds. His compatriot, Uncle Sam, was apparently oogling a pizza delivery girl and too busy to do anything else.

After Lady Liberty snarled a short reply to my friendly hello, I realized well, he's embarrassed. But that is not an excuse to be rude. I then pointed out to my children especially Wesley that you might end up having to don a sheet and a Styrofoam headpiece if you don't stay in school and listen to Mommy.

Our not so proud National Monument impersonator huffed and puffed. As my kids and I walked away, Wesley remarked on how cool it would be to do that job. Great, my son aspires to be a disgruntled statue in drag.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Contest for the Strange & Unusual

As I look back upon all the weekly warnings (less than three months so far), I realize that I should just pitch a tent and begin life as a carnie. I never knew how strange my life is until I wrote some (note: only some) of it down.

To highlight all of the strange, Twilight Zone moments of my life, I'm hosting a contest.

To enter, just tell me your favorite weekly warning (date only is fine) as well as one of your versions of the weekly warnings (airing of your weekly warning is totally optional). I'll draw names out of a hat. Or maybe the bearded lady will. You can link if you want for an extra drawing.

Now for the exciting part--the prizes. First place (hat drawn for those with good luck): three skeins of Louet Flare Elegance in pinks/greens/blues and two skeins of Andes wool in a heathery purple/cream. And the prize to your strangest warning (my knitting group will judge) two skeins of Gjestal Ullteppegarn in red and two skeins of it in brown. It's from Norway and it's 100% wool.

Contest ends on 4/25 at 4 p.m. EST. Non-bloggers are welcome but you'll need to post your email or at least email me yours!

Monday, April 14, 2008

One of the Ugliest Things I've Seen

Now, don't scream or close your browser and pardon this snarky post. What's even scarier are that model's toes. It looks like shortened dragon talons sticking out ready to pounce. Or she's trying to free herself by jumping out of the "socks".

But if strange is your thing, you can buy the pattern to knit these here for a mere $7.99. Yes, YOU have to pay to knit these things--not the other way around.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

White Chocolate Orange Bread

Super easy and everyone will think you're a genius. I made this up yesterday so the recipe is still fresh in my stale mind. One loaf was devoured by my horde of children and the other is going to the teachers at the school to thank them for coming back after spring break.

1 box of butter yellow cake mix
1 cup water
1/4 orange juice
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 bag white chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour two bread tins

Pour cake mix, water, OJ, oil, vanilla in large bowl. Mix well until smooth. Add chocolate chips.

Pour evenly into the two prepared tins and bake for 40 minutes or until top is springy.

You can use a lemon flavored cake mix or any that will go with white chocolate.

You can add a glaze or if you're really lazy like me, microwave a container of frosting for 15 seconds. Instant pourable glaze. I don't think this needs a glaze because it's yummy on its own.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Weekly Warning 4/13/08

Check your kids' socks before you wash and dry them.

I always check the pockets of the jeans but it never occurred to me to look in socks.

I was washing whites and I don't know who the guilty kid was but they apparently felt the need to collect crayons. Some latent psychological need, perhaps? Some fetish on hording? An evil plot to drive Mommy insane? I betting on the the last.

I pull out the whites to throw in the dryer when I discover waxy green and red stripes on my Victoria Secret's. I know I never buy any undergarments that resemble a Christmas present. Upon further investigation, Dave's formerly white tees are also punctuated with colorful blobs.

Like an idiot, I assumed the damage was done. But, oh no, Crayola's plot to drive me to a straight jacket went deeper.

Applying heat to crayons meltsthe horrid little sticks of insanity. I know that and I'm sure you know that. But did you know rapidly cooling melted crayons stick to the inside of your dryer like brick mortar? Did you also know the crayon is impossible to get out completely out of socks? Did you know the local landfill is now filled with pairs of wax filled, colored socks? Did you know you can write me in care of the local mental hospital?

I just hope the doctors don't have a art therapy that includes crayons.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Mojita Cake

At church last month, all the religious education classes presented a report on a country that benefits from Operation Rice Bowl. The classes also prepared a dish native to that country. One classs did India an and made samosas (ooohh, very good) Then there was one report on Cuba accompanied by a Mojita Cake. It was fantabulous!!!! The teachers were kind enough to give me the recipe.

20 ozs crushed pineapple, undrained
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 box angel food cake mix
8 ozs reduced fat cream cheese
1/4 cup limeade from concentrate
4 tablespoon powdered sugar
1 teaspoon rum extract
2-4 teaspoons rum (they left this part out of the cake served to the kids)
8 ozs Cool Whip, thawed
Coconut for garnish (I have to leave this part out for Dave)

Preheat oven to 350.

Spray Pryex dish with Pam. Mix pineapple, lime juice and cake mix together until well blended. Pour into Pyrex dish and bake 20-25 minutes. Cool completely.

For topping, mix cream cheese, limeade and powdered sugar. Then fold in Cool Whip, rum extract and rum. Spread over cake. Top with coconut if desired.

Really, really light cake but very good.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Making A Difference

I was subbing in a fifth grade special ed class. All the kids had been identified by teachers as ADHD or some emotional based disorder. Toward the end of the class, I had pulled out my knitting while the five kids were packing up or finishing their classwork. One kid who had been very quiet came up and very shyly asked what I was doing. I told him and let him touch the yarn.

I asked him if he wanted to try it. I knew I could not teach him how to knit if five minutes but bless his heart, he was actually talking to me after forty five minutes of just sitting there struggling with math (and unfortunately, I have problems explaining math also).

In five minutes, he was knitting like a pro! I had never seen anyone pick up knitting that fast. When I told him that, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I gave him some yarn and told him to knit with pencils.

I told the regular special ed teacher about it and she got very excited. It seems this kid had been struggling all year and had problems with concentration, etc.

With her permission, I gave the kid some new yarn and needles. I am just stoked about this.

PS I had posted this on a knitter's forum and some people inferred that I was trying to interfere with the kid's IEP or that I knew better than the teachers. I don't pretend to know about the child's problems but I just wanted to point out that knitting can make a difference in a child's day. Who knows? Maybe this kid will grow up to be a famous knitting designer.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Weekly Warning 4/6/08

Don't let your four year old daughter apply Barbie make-up on herself, the dog, Star Wars figurines or you for that matter.

Ray's godfather, Uncle Oool (as she calls him--his name is Allen), gave Ray a Barbie/Princess makeup set for Christmas. Beware all parents, this item should be banned as a hazardous material suitable for terrorists. I'm sure you've seen it. Small cubes of hair glitter, five colors of nail polish, two glittery lip glosses and four heart containers of gooey neon eye color. The jerk who invented this and then sold it to Mattel needs to be taken out and dolled up.

As I type this, I have a lime green smear across one eye and one fuschia across the other. Ray's toenails are painted a blue and violet. The color plays off the streak of blue nail color in the back of her hair and three different glitters on the left side of her head.

Every time Zack wags his tail, the lip gloss on the tip glints in the light and attracts the numerous dust bunnies to the tip.

Not to be outdone, Wesley's Anakin Skywalker action figure models this season's colors. No wonder he turned to the Dark Side. He needed a hood to hide his atrocious makeover.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Warning: Soap Box Post

I'm about to get on my soap box so if you want to skip this installment of whine, please do.

I hate, I mean really hate people who abuse animals. Recently, a couple of people were arrested for running a puppy mill in a neighboring county. It was the largest seizure of animals in Georgia history. The jerk-offs had 300 dogs all in various stages of neglect and abuse.

If you have continued to read this, you probably will want to pick up a pitchfork and torch to storm the criminals' trailer (like Frankenstein's castle). Please consider writing your legislators about strengthening or enforcing current animal protection laws. Or volunteer with an animal rescue group.

Okay, I'm done and I'm off the box but I'm still looking for a knitting pattern for a noose.

Who Knew?

Your Native American Name Is...

Kimi Pakuna

Your name means: Secret Deer Jumping Downhill

And I thought it was Graceless Klutz Falling off Bicycle

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Law of Commerical Screwism

Just when you find a yarn/moisturizer/cologne/stitch markers you have fallen in love with, the company that produces the aforementioned and much loved product discontinues it. In order to acquire it, you become a search engine junkie, relentlessly pursuing links in a vain hope you can purchase your yarn.

Ignoring the pleas of your hungry daughter as she breaks into the emergency pudding supply, you marshal on. "No, Wesley, I can't show you how Mario gets through World 8-1. Figure it out." After you tell your son that, you immediately are hit with an attack of guilt. But you really need to find this yarn.

You desperately send a SOS email to all the knitting friends or dubious characters you know (For those of you reading this, you know which category you fall into).

You only stop briefly when you find one last skein in Istanbul, Turkey and gladly pay the $16.00 shipping fee. Only to discover your Turkish language skills are not up to par and you receive a purple skein instead of the sage green you thought you bought.

It finally ends when you realize your soon-to-be homeless Collie has been sleeping on the one skein you thought you had but couldn't find.

But now as I think about it, I really need that Brighton Love Perfume that is only available at a store 900 miles away.