Saturday, November 29, 2008

Weekly Warning 11/30/08

Always check for horns and forked tongue when asking for directions from a state park employee.

It's a beautiful fall season here in north Georgia. The leaves are brilliant colors. You come over a mountain and it looks like one large beach bonfire--oranges, reds, and even some blue.

We decided to visit one of the state parks of Georgia. Amicalola Falls is a jewel in the North Georgia Mountains. There is a incredibly amazing water fall that you can hike up to--it's a about a mile up a mountain on a paved trail. Well worth the effort. We passed dozens of folks who had the same idea.

You would think coming down the mountain would be easier and it would be to if you are not me. A seemingly helpful park employee named Esther told us of another paved trail. She said it was a little longer but much more secluded--away from those pesky tourists (apparently missing Wesley wearing his "Are we there yet?" Florida tourist tee).

Off we went--all eight of us--my kids included as well as Uncle Al wearing flip flops. Sure the snake slithering across our path one hundred yards later should have detered us. But Esther had been helpful and she was still waving at us. Little did I know, she was just making sure we ended in the seventh layer of hell as a sacrifice to her master.

You would have thought the dead chipmunk would have sent us scurrying back to Esther but no, we were braver than that. And I'm not sure, but I think the forest closed up on itself like an evil entity. The trail all but disappeared. The trees leaned in, using their branches to block our efforts to retrace our steps.

Half way down the trail, the paved part stopped. Only because you had hold on to a rope to practically repel down the mountain. With Ray on my back like a chimpanzee baby, I gingerly climbed down and deposited Regan. Wes, the ever brave Cub Scout, made it down on his own.

After one hour of not seeing life (the birds had long since stopped chirping), we were heartened to hear cars and smell grilling hamburgers. We finally found our way back to our car, only to see Esther greeting new victims.

If I only had a vial of holy water....

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

The top three things I'm thankful for:
1. My family. Dave is the biggest teddy bear and he's a an awesome guy. My kids, while future juvenile deliquents, are healthy and happy (especially when they are fighting with Nurf guns and light sabers). My dogs--Zoe, President of GPEC (Gas Producing Exporting Canine) and the Incredible Mini Pony, Zack, are wonderful.

2. My job. I have one of the best jobs in the world--helping parents adjust (not that anyone truly adjusts to being a parent) to their new baby.

3. My house. It may be full of large tufts of floating dog hair and not entirely dust-free, but it's my home.

I do hope you stuff yourselves! Have a safe and blessed Thanksgiving.

PS I know I missed this week's weekly warning but my left wrist was in brace (the warranty on my body has expired) so typing was impossible.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Weekly Warning 11/16/08

People should not dress their dogs up to look like celebrities.

Minding my own business, I was startled to see a three foot tall Standard Poodle looping down the yard near the 911 Emergency Center. At first, I was a bit angry at the careless dog owner who allowed his/her dog loose in the road. Then I did a double take.

The poodle was attired in a Georgia Bulldog tee shirt and with a humongous 'do on top of her head. Imagine my amazement when I realized that the dog's hairdo was the same as Michelle Obama's hair. And despite the windy conditions, the dog's hair/fur stayed in place as if it was shellacked down. Why would someone deliberately style their dog's hair the same as Mrs. Obama? Or maybe Mrs. Obama styled her hair after the dog? I don't know but I put the dog and her do out of my mind.

THEN it rained that day and as I was going home, here comes Michelle the Poodle streaking again in front of my car. This time, the rain caused her hair to fall, making her look like Cher in "If I Could Turn Back Time" video while she straddled a gun. And if it wasn't bad enough, some evil human put a purple "Disco" shirt on the poor canine.

Immediately, I felt for the dog. If I had only brought some kibble, Mich-Cher and I could hit the road, raising money and schmoozing Navy personnel.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Weekly Warning 11/9/08

Bringing donuts to poll workers does not constitute voter fraud.

I was just being considerate. Most of the poll workers in my county are volunteers. I thought it would be nice if they knew their volunteer work is appreciate so I stopped off at Publix and picked up a dozen jelly donuts.

The poll workers were very grateful and I was patting myself on the back (after wiping the donut glaze from my fingers) when a disgruntled, impatient voter mutters, "Won't get your man elected."

Now I wasn't preaching politics nor trying to cut in line. I voted a month ago, thank you very much. I don't even have a bumper sticker, especially after tooling around for two months with my hubby's campaign magnet on my car.

I thought about being rude and I even had an insult. I pondering unplugging this guy's voting machine. I'm pretty sure that's illegal and I did have Ray and Wesley with me. What kind of role model would I be if I was committed a felony?

What I did do was let Regan take the last "Georgia Voter" sticker before the rude man could get it. Sometimes niceness is vastly overrated.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I wish I did take this picture.

My sister sent this to me yesterday. It's so beautiful. I'd thought I share it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Weekly Warning 11/2/08

Spray Pam should not be confused with hair conditioning treatment.

I was just piddling, really. Just making dinner when I grabbed the non-stick spray Pam to hose down the cookie sheet for the chicken. Without paying attention (when will I learn?) or checking to see where the direction of the nozzle, I let loose and Pam immediately coats my forehead and top third of my hair. \

The Collie, thinking "Hmm, Mommy's really moisturizing!", leaps up and starts licking my face. Which causes me to back into the pan which pushes the the raw chicken which flies into the air and lands smack dab on my newly baked peanut butter cookies.

In the ensuing insanity, I stick my face under the kitchen faucet to clean off the Pam and Collie drool. It doesn't work so I'm off to the shower de-grease.

Hot Stock Tip: Buy stock in the company which makes Suave 'cause it took half of bottle of shampoo to get all the Pam out. Oh and maybe some acne treatment stuff because I'm expecting major acne breakout this week.