Saturday, September 27, 2008

Weekly Warning 9/28/08

On a day when everything that can go wrong does, a bird will poop on your leather handbag.

The kids were fighting like the North and the South. Regan activated my car alarm. The dogs were growling over a squirrel in the yard. I was tripping over empty Kroger bags that escaped their confinement. My keys were no where to be found. I WAS STRESSED.

So what does this deliquent blue jay do? That's right--use my new leather purse as his personal johnnie-on-the-spot. Somedays, you're the bird pooping and others, you're the Poopy Purse.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

And the Winners are.....


Drawn from a Walmart bag, the random winner of the "For the Fun of Knit" contest was Lil Knitter. She sent several people over from her blog which resulted in multiple entries (not personalities). The Rowen Denim will be shipped off to Mel's--destined to be made in something fabulous.

The strangest non-fiber related hobby was Allergicmom for her love of live action dress up at sci-fi conventions. Your package will remain a surprise until you open the box! Will it be yarn, stitch markers or some obscure Klingon delicacy? Who knows?

If y'all haven't heard from me, please email me your address so I can get your prizes off!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Weekly Warning 9/21/08

If you apply your makeup in the car, make sure you finish the job before you conduct a training.

Again, I was stressing (a reoccurring theme in my life lately). I was stopped at a particularly nasty red light when I decided to throw on my makeup. The light suddenly turned green and I was off. Then the train stopped me for a moment and out whipped my mascara and eyebrow pencil to darken my non-existent brow. I applied my makeup in bits and spurts until I reached my destination.

Halfway through the introductions, the 32 oz Diet Dr. Pepper that I gulped down made its way to my bladder and I went to the restroom.

Washing my hands, I looked in the bathroom mirror only to discover that I had only made up one of my eyebrows. I looked like a plastic surgery gone bad. However, my noticeable cowlick covered and complimented my absent eyebrow in a very becoming way.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Ike's a Jerk!

My entire extended family (about 3000 strong) lives in SE Texas in Jefferson, Orange and Jasper counties. Two of those counties, Jefferson and Orange, were under mandatory evacuation due to that jerky storm Ike. My hometown, Orange, is completely flooded--save the Der Wienerschnitzel!

All of my immediate family has checked in safe but extremely tired. They have generators and a loaded guns so they are fine for the present. I'm sure my numerous cousins are fine.

Please say a prayer for Texas! The picture on top of my blog is Wesley at one of the beaches in Galveston on Memorial Day of this year. Galveston holds a special place in my heart. It was the first beach I remember visiting. I hope Galveston will rebound just as well as the 1900 storm.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Weekly Warning 9/14/08

Wardrobe malfunctions are not limited to the Janet Jacksons of the world.

I had to really, really go to the bathroom one day while I waited for court case to start. I was a underpaid, overworked caseworker stuck in a hot juvenile court waiting room. My office required all women caseworkers to wear hose, heels and dresses/skirts. Never mind that the hose was chafing my thighs or my heels were rubbing blisters on my feet. I was dressed to the nines.

I snuck out and found a bathroom to do my bidness. Ladies, if you read this, you can understand the intense relief you feel when you peel off the hose and let your legs breathe. I did just that and I reveled in the coolness. I even went so far to splash cold water down my bra. I'm telling you it was hot. Georgia in August is not for the weak.

I stomp back to discover my seat was taken by my supervisor (the witch). Fifteen minutes go by and I'm thinking that bathroom break might have done the trick. I wasn't sweating at all.

I should have known something was up. I mean that literally. The office attorney grabbed me and told me my skirt was stuffed up inside my panty hose. So basically, I was displaying my white Lady Hanes bikini underwear and panty hose for all the criminals to view. And to think no one said a word for fifteen minutes including my hag supervisor.

So there, Janet Jackson. You may have flashed your boob to the world but the Juvenile Court of Hall County Georgia knows I wear clean underwear.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Patriot's Day 2008

I could not let September 11 go by without posting. In my mind's eye, I can still see the plane as it hit one of the Twin Towers and my eyes instantly tear up.

It is my fervant hope that this never happens again. And to all the law enforcement, firefighters, EMS and military, thank you for your service and sacrifice. My prayers are with all you and your family.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

For the Fun of Knit Contest

I'm bored. So when I'm bored, I host a contest. For no reason whatsoever except I'm bored. So here's the contest...

What do you like to do besides knitting or fiber related? Nothing fiber related, zippo, nada, zilch. Personally I love to read and geocache but then again, I'm a geek.

Please post your answers here by 9/21. If you link on your blog, extra entry. Two prizes--one for a random drawing and the other for the strangest. Please no posting about how you like cook butt naked or anything that will cause me nightmares.

The prize for the random drawing will be five skeins of Rowan denim (100% cotton). Beautiful blue. It shrinks in length and fades just like jeans. For the strangest entry, a surprise!

Happy posting!!

Weekly Warning 9/7/08

While taking your grandma out to eat, zip your purse.

Thieves! Dirty, rotten, lying thieves! You don't want to put your grandmother in jail but her thievin' ways need to stop.

Dave and I took his 93 year old grandmother out to eat at the Blue Willow Inn. The buffet is legendary and I go just to drink their lemonade. If you've never been, go but don't mention my name.

After finishing off my first plate, I graciously ask Granny if she wants more so she doesn't have to walk anymore than she has too. She requests another plate but with two extra order of fried green tomatoes. I'm taken back. After all this woman weighs something like ten pounds soaking wet but being the nice girl but I head off.

After my second plate is demolished, I noticed Granny has beat me in devouring the second plate. I ask Granny if she'd like desert. She does--pecan pie and another order of fried green tomatoes. My radar blings but no one else finds this strange.

When we pay, Granny takes Dave and hoofs it outside, spreading the crowd with her mahogany cane. I pull out my card and out of my purse plops two orders of fried green tomatoes wrapped in a flimsy paper napkin. I don't know why Granny felt the need to shoplift fried green tomatoes. She was not hurting for money.

The hostess and I complete our transaction. Neither one of us mention the hunk of food slowly dripping grease on the cash register. It's the Southern version of the elephant in the room. The hostess drops a pen (rather calculated) and while she picks it up, I grab the napkin and stuff it in my purse.

When asked, Granny said she loves their tomatoes and could never fry them right so she's takes them to snack on during the week. Ever the Southern lady, Granny thanked me for my help and then had the temerity to ask why her tomatoes were squashed. Dave remarked that I should be happy it wasn't a bowl of gravy.

FYI, Regan whose middle name is Granny's recently threw a handful of peanuts in my purse at a Longhorn. Once again, Dave reminded me that it could have been applesauce.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Poem Meme

I was tagged by someone and I apologize because for the life of me, I don't remember who. But it was a Poetry Meme. What's your favorite poem and why? I've got a triple whammy. I'm a Mommy, a social worker and a Texan. Put these three things together and you have an empathetic know-it-all who wants to improve the world. I read this in ninth grade and it resonated with me. All these years and I can still recite it at the drop of a hat. Amazing and I still can't remember who tagged me.

Emily Dickinson was one strange chick but could she crank out some literature.

Part One:
Life VI
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

I challenge all who read this post to tag yourself and find the verse that speaks to you.