Saturday, January 17, 2009

Weekly Warning 1/18/09

Before dressing your child as the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, check their pocket for contraband.

It's cold. The inaccurate weather chick from our local news finally predicted something right. Friday morning saw 14 degrees with the wind putting it at 3.

Regan and Wes were very eager to show off their new parkas to their friends at school. For once, they displayed patience as I dressed them. By the time I was done, they could not put their back packs on so I did it for them.

When I helped Regan, I noticed a bulge on her side. I almost let it go. I mean I know she's not a Mafia hit kindergartner packing a gun but then I remembered, "It's Regan." A quick pat down discovered a Mylar balloon and kazoo left over from her cousin's part a week ago for show and tell. This caused a flurry of whining--mostly by me. Why would she bring a balloon in to school? How did she stuff up her shirt when I wasn't looking? Why does Mylar balloons have to last so long? Why does my husband conveniently disappear during these times?

Being a prudent parent and that Regan squealed, I checked Wesley. I discovered a packet of gummy bears, three pieces of gum, some mini Milky Way bars, his "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" dvd and two video game cartridges but no Nintendo DS game. He howled like he was just sentenced to life. He told me that I was infringing upon his rights. He's seven years old and blast that social studies curriculum for teaching the Constitution.

Despite the fact Wesley has two cavities and the kazoo would drive Ray's teacher crazy, they whined the whole long trip to school.

I swear I'm getting a blanket search warrant next winter. I also ate most of the evidence I seized from Wesley so he has no cause to appeal. I don't watch Law and Order for my health.

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