Weekly Warning 5/4/08

Be very clear when ordering food from people who don't speak your language.

This is an oldie but a goodie. I remembered this only after a Ravelry thread in the Texas Expat group.

In Texas at Dairy Queen, there was a sandwich called the Dude. It was a huge country fried steak slapped between two pieces of bread. Throw some cheese on it with a cherry Dr. Pepper and you have nirvana on a bun.

Now, let me explain, I had and still have a Texas twang, not too bad but people from Georgia immediately know I'm not local the minute I say, "Hey, y'all." In addition, I still sprout Texasisms like "drunker than Cooter Brown" or he got a "DWI" or "the 'Boys (or 'Stros)" are gonna be great this year or "let's go wrap a house." See below for interpretations. So between my twang and my local Texasisms, I do run into problems.

Anyway, twenty years ago I pull in the drive through of my local Georgia DQ with a craving for the Dude. I absently order a naked Dude with cheese and cherry in my DP. When the lady asked me to pull forward, I didn't hear the nervous twitch in her Middle Eastern accent.

Bless her heart, she opened the drive through window to peer at me with fright. She asked to repeat and I did. Never possessing a font of patience or tact (especially when the food craving hits), I lean forward to again repeat this time more urgently and loudly.

Just then the manager (who also appeared Middle Eastern) appears. The cashier and the manager bicker in a foreign language. Personally I didn't care but where was my Dude?

The manager, now very red-faced almost to the point of cardiac arrest, inquired about my order.

When I tell him I wanted a plain old Dude with nothing on, he stiffens up and says "We do not have such things here and we run a clean business."

It was only then when I realized they thought I was there to pick up an old guy with no clothes on for some casual sex. In addition, I had the poor taste to ask for a cherry in my Dr. Pepper.

I eventually left with no Cherry Dr. Pepper or Dude because they were about to call to the police to arrest me for solicitation. Apparently, they don't have the "Dude" on their menu.


Quick interpretations:
"Drunker than Cooter Brown": You are so drunk you don't know your name. The Cooter Brown analogy is good for describing:
a) ugly people
b) mean guys
c) just all round wastes of God's time

"DWI": Driving While Intoxicated. In Georgia, it's called a DUI (driving under the influence)

"The 'Boys and 'Stros": The Dallas Cowboys and the Houston Astros

"Wrapping a house": Using a vast amount of toilet paper usually swiped from fast food restuarants or schools to artisically drape your high school enemy's front yard. This might be paired with Cooter Brown's alcoholic consumption from above.