Weekly Warning 3/30/08

Thunderstorms will make you gain weight.
Follow, if you can, this crazy maze from thunderstorm to weight gain.

A couple of days ago during a particularly vicious thunderstorm, our roof sustained minor damage. Dave, being the anti-Bob Villa with roofs, called our nice contractor guy to repair the roof.

The roof repair led to a complete shutter replacement (5 sets in all). This, in turn, precipitated a front door painting. However, I hate my front door. It's just ugly. So that sent us to the door outlet store where we found a $1000 door. Our contractor was installing the door when he discovered carpenter ants. This led to a call to the bug guy who sprayed. While the bug guy was here, the dogs were shut away in our bedroom.

Winter's on its way out so Zack is molting like crazy. Tufts of Collie fur were floating aimlessly around my bedroom, settling on every surface. I couldn't sleep in such hairy circumstances so I pulled out my vacuum to suck up the fur and apparently a sock and my Timex watch. I went to Wal-Mart to get a new vacuum bag b/c the watch ripped the old to shreds and met an elderly woman giving out free cheesecake bites. They were so good I bought a package and ate the entire package on the way home.

So, in summary, the storm caused me to gain two pounds. I'll be ballooning up by the time hurricane season is over.

Cocoa Swap Package

I have an angel and her name is Cindy from Tennessee. Cindy stepped in at the last moment to send a package my way. My previous swap partner didn't send one--I hope she's okay.

My camera has died and until I get a new one, this is a picture-less post.

Cindy sent some yummy taupe colored yarn that is crying out for a drop stitch scarf. The mug is beautiful as well as the stitch markers and shawl pin. The chocolate is well on its' way to being consumed. I'm presently sipping hot cocoa from my new mug.

Oh and Cindy, if that "mini-shawl" is your handiwork, you are a fantastic knitter!

Thanks again, Cindy.

Lenten Trail Mix

Lent is not a good time for me. No meat on Fridays. I loathe seafood--leftover from a childhood battle with my mom and Mrs. Paul's fish sticks. Certain veggies like lettuce are a waste of space. I mean, come on, lettuce? The school I sub at does not offer Lenten fare so I made up a trail mix for lunch.

1 large package of dried cherries
1 large package of dried cranberries
1 large package of dried blueberries
1 cup of raisins
1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup coconut
1 package of MM's (Chocolate, don't you know?) or chocolate chips

Mix all together and enjoy for a week. Store in airtight container.

Weekly Warning 3/23/08

Chocolate Easter bunnies do not survive being stored near the coffeepot.

Your child's bunny will resemble a large brown blob by the time the coffee pot's automatic shut off kicks in two hours later.

You may send donations to Regan's Psychotherapy Fund through Paypal. Please earmark Wesley's money for his Future Oprah Show visit on how parents ruin their child's life through heating disasters.

I actually won!!!!

I used to be convinced that the world would come to an end before I won something. So break out your sunscreen for an impending supernova, 'cause I won SpinKnit Up's contest. I won stitch markers!!!! Yippee!!!

Mommies: Heroes or Slaves?

I'm leaning toward slaves. Wesley, the sweetest little monster in the whole wide world, got a new teacher this month. He promised her a hand knit scarf by who? Yeah, that's right, me. Never mind I'm trying to prevent Single Sock Syndrome. Forget about the blood drive I was helping to co-coordinate. Oh, let's just drop the birthday party fiasco. The promise to deliver 150 pounds of dry dog food to the new Walton Animal Guild (our county's version of a Humane Society)? No problem.

I drop everything to make the very nice teacher a new almost lace scarf in green suede. Thank God, it's simple. I don't know where I read it but it's super simple. It's not really original but it works.



Cast on 16 with size 17.
Knit three rows
Row 4: K3, (YO, K2tog) Repeat until you have three stitches on the end, K3
Row 5: Knit
Repeat 4 and 5 two more times
Knit until you almostget your desired length.
Repeat rows 4 and 5 three times.
Knit three rows.
Cast off.

Voila--easy scarf. Actually now that I look at it, the LB Suede is not as neat as I like. I'll slip the first stitch on the Next Almost Lace Scarf.

But who am I kidding? I love it that Wesley thinks enough of me to be so proud to brag. What a sweetie.

Weekly Warning 3/16/08

When applying hair color, DO NOT allow your child to fill the plastic protective gloves with water prior to sticking your hands in the gloves.

This morning, as I prepared Miss Clairol, I take my eyes off the gloves and Regan for like two seconds. Then I proceed to put on the gloves on and then picked up the color bottle of reddish brown goo. I applied it according to the directions, never realizing water is dripping down both arms. When set it down, I never noticed the dye and water mixing running back up my arms and back in to the gloves.

I pop the gloves off like a satisfied surgeon when I finally see specks, streaks and blobs of "Autumn Sunset" all around me. It looks like Dr. Suess became a serial killer. My beautiful soothing sage green bathroom is a posterchild for a new HGTV show, "When Kids and Color Collide." Regan thinks it's hilarious and laughs while I try feverishly to scrub off the blood red stripes down my arms. Great, now I look like a mad villain from "Green Eggs and Ham." Well I may be evil but my hair looks good.