Saturday, September 6, 2008

Weekly Warning 9/7/08

While taking your grandma out to eat, zip your purse.

Thieves! Dirty, rotten, lying thieves! You don't want to put your grandmother in jail but her thievin' ways need to stop.

Dave and I took his 93 year old grandmother out to eat at the Blue Willow Inn. The buffet is legendary and I go just to drink their lemonade. If you've never been, go but don't mention my name.

After finishing off my first plate, I graciously ask Granny if she wants more so she doesn't have to walk anymore than she has too. She requests another plate but with two extra order of fried green tomatoes. I'm taken back. After all this woman weighs something like ten pounds soaking wet but being the nice girl but I head off.

After my second plate is demolished, I noticed Granny has beat me in devouring the second plate. I ask Granny if she'd like desert. She does--pecan pie and another order of fried green tomatoes. My radar blings but no one else finds this strange.

When we pay, Granny takes Dave and hoofs it outside, spreading the crowd with her mahogany cane. I pull out my card and out of my purse plops two orders of fried green tomatoes wrapped in a flimsy paper napkin. I don't know why Granny felt the need to shoplift fried green tomatoes. She was not hurting for money.

The hostess and I complete our transaction. Neither one of us mention the hunk of food slowly dripping grease on the cash register. It's the Southern version of the elephant in the room. The hostess drops a pen (rather calculated) and while she picks it up, I grab the napkin and stuff it in my purse.

When asked, Granny said she loves their tomatoes and could never fry them right so she's takes them to snack on during the week. Ever the Southern lady, Granny thanked me for my help and then had the temerity to ask why her tomatoes were squashed. Dave remarked that I should be happy it wasn't a bowl of gravy.

FYI, Regan whose middle name is Granny's recently threw a handful of peanuts in my purse at a Longhorn. Once again, Dave reminded me that it could have been applesauce.

1 comment:

Lil Knitter said...

Oh my goodness...what these Grannie won't do for Fried Green Tomatoes. You handled that like a pro, girlfriend. I woulda died! :P
Now if it had been me...I would have loaded up on the pecan pie.