Saturday, February 4, 2012

Warning: Cologne is an effective deterent in the timeless war between Mother and Son.

Round 5:  The Cologne Offensive

"I don't want to go.  You make me go and it's not fair." My underage combatant (Wesley) complained.

I was still tasting Elmer's Gluestick Clear Coat on my lips from our confrontation earlier this week.  I was again rushing to get dressed to take Regan to her karate class when I felt Wesley enter the room.

In an amazingly quick move that surprised even me, I grabbed the closest potential weapon--a bottle of Ralph Lauren Romance and whipped around (and without falling also--yea me).  I spritzed at Wesley, covering him in an aromatic mist of designer cologne.  As expected, he backed up like he was a lion and I had just hit him with a whip.

"Back, Sheba. Back."  I waved the bottle menacingly toward Wesley who retreated faster than a politician at a news conference.

Wesley ran to his room and slammed the door.  Not to be deterred, I covered his door and surrounding carpet with Ralph.  Ralph Lauren was my holy water and Wesley was not getting away.  I wasn't thinking of Wesley's eventual revenge or future emotional trauma. 

Yes, I know what everyone who reads this thinking--I am a horrible mother.  Be comforted by the thought that I no longer have any cologne and have resorted to using Febreeze Fabric Softener in Lilac as my signature scent.


Kitten With a Whiplash said...

I like it. If only all conlficts could be resolved with office supplies and toiletries, just think how low the Pentagon budget could go. Oh, wait minute - are they the ones paying $500 for a paper clip?

Congrats (?) on tying the score (?).

Kitten With a Whiplash said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kitten With a Whiplash said...

PS: I hope the kids aren't the only ones taking Karate lessons. Just saying. And Happy Belated Valentines Day!