Sunday, February 26, 2012

Warning: Eternal Damnation is bad.

It's tough.  Tougher than having a c-section 11 years ago.  Giving up my Diet Dr. Pepper and sweet tea for forty days is excruciating but there was another task I gave myself.  I know we are not supposed to whine about our Lenten obligations but hey, I'm not perfect so here goes.

I also took on the impossible task of being nice and not losing my temper.  Yes, you read that right--I vowed to be nice at least three times a day for forty days.  If you have read any past entries, you will come to the conclusion that I'm just plain mean.  I try at times to be nice but my meanness overwhelms any and all desire to be nice.  Here goes my Lenten Nice Or Suffer Eternal Damnation Quest.

February 22:  Ash Wednesday was pretty easy.
1.   I managed to down my fish sandwich without doing my fake gagging.  Plain water followed as well as two Tylenol for the impending caffeine withdrawal headache.  I think I fooled everyone in thinking that I'm okay with dry fish and stale bread.
2.  I allowed someone to pull out in front of me without screaming obscenities.  Letting a jerk in a Range Rover steal my parking spot at Kroger was number 2 nice thing. 
3.  When Wesley stepped on my toe while he portrayed Darth Vader in his one act play was number 3 nice thing.

February 23: 
1.  The cat is still alive despite cleaning herself in the middle of the driveway while I was trying to back up. 
2.  When a student at school upended my water on purpose, I calmly cleaned it up. 
3.  The mail carrier dropped off a package and Zack hit me in the head with his tail, I didn't complain.

February 24: 
1.  Friday means no meat. I started eating a watery tomato soup when a child threw his half chewed cracker into the soup. 
2.  Then the little @$#% child ate my banana. 
3.  A nervy squirrel was using top of V-ger as his personal Johnnie on the Spot when I left school.  I held on tightly to purse to preclude any throwing.

February 25:
1.  I dropped spaghetti sauce down my pants which stained my underwear a disgusting orange but I refrained from swearing at myself. 
2.  The T-Mobile guy did not activate my new phone properly which precipitated a visit back to the store.  I even choked out a "It's okay" when the guy told me it would be 15 minutes to access the computer. 
3.  An evil senior citizen shot the finger at me for waiting for her to back out of her parking spot.

February 26
1.  The clerk at Walmart remained unharmed despite the fact he overcharged 2x.  Each time I told Jimmy the clerk that the shoes I was buying for Regan were markdown, he charged me full price and the markdown price.
2.  Zack turned his nose up at my Mexican Chicken casserole when a glob of it fell on the floor.  Come on, Zack, that's one of the reasons we have you.  You are the food vacuum.
3.  Wesley activated my voice command on the new cell phone to accept only his voice.  He also remains unharmed but that could change if he fails to deactivate his voice from my phone.

Can't wait to find out what tomorrow holds for me.  Stay tuned!


Kitten With a Whiplash said...

OK, it's not like I'm THE Pope or anything, but I think you've qualified for sainthood, and are therefor exempt from the rest of Lent, right?

Christy said...
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