Warning: Parents say things they never thought they say.

I used to think my mom was sometimes a bit strange. Now I know that her children drove her to Strange-ville. I always thought I would be the "cool" parent. The one the kids go to when they want to have fun. Geez, was I off! Dave and I actually are the parents the neighborhood children whisper about on Halloween. Well, me actually since Dave is sometimes a big kid himself.

Picture one of the neighborhood children whispering covertly. "You know, Bobby once went over to Wesley's to play and he came back with his hair combed." Or "Regan's mom is weird. She told us to jump on their bed."

So this is dedication with love and a great deal of guilt to my mom. These are actual rantings.

"Wesley, get your train out of the toilet."

"If someone does not pick up these toenails, you won't like it if I do."

"Zack, drop that dead chipmunk right now."

"Dave, quit being Diaper Head."

"Regan, your dragon is clogging the shower."

"My lipstick does not belong on the grill."

"Please pick up your Lego shirt."

"How are we going to get the salsa off the ceiling?"

"Yes, Build-A-Bear. What do you recommend to clean pee off one of your animals?"

"For the last time, my bed is not a mixing bowl. Get the beans off."

"I do see it but Regan, you should keep the unicorn out of the microwave."

"Who mixed my Dr. Pepper with the ranch dressing?"

"Why are you pouring hydrogen peroxide on the deck?"

"Get the toilet paper out of your shirt."

"You really need to get the reindeer out of the tree."

And lastly, my personal favorite! "Take that doll out of the dog's water bowl and get your Transformer out of the dog good bag."