Warning: I'm about to become famous.

One day into Christmas vacation, Wesley and Regan are sent to their rooms because of bickering over--get this--who gets to move the Advent Calendar today. A mere seventeen minutes of Christmas peace before Wesley and Regan began their daily arguments. To add insult to injury, I tell them to clean up their rooms since Wesley's Star Wars figurines and accoutrements make him look like a candidate for the hoarder reality show. Regan’s stuffed animal collection (now hovering around 152 minions) are spilling out into the pantry. One poor dragon met an untimely death in a boiling pot of pasta.

"You are the worst Mommy in the World." Wesley wails and crosses his arms for dramatic effect.

Regan, not to be outdone by the King of Melodrama, announces that she would like to be traded to another family. For a moment I envisioned a Major League type swap. For a future draft pick to be named later? For money? With the stomping of feet, she heads to her room to sulk or set up therapy appointments with Dr. Phil via a toy cell phone.

"You are ruining my life." Wesley interjects. "I will not clean up my room. I do not like this. And I do not like you right now. I'm calling DFCS {Department of Family and Children Services which is the child protection agancy in Georgia} and tell them you are ruining my life."

So when I get the the nomination for the Worst Mommy in the World Award for my anger-filled performance in "Ruining Wesley's Life", my fame will spread to all the world. I can just see myself accepting the bad mommy award in prison orange pantsuit via satellite hook up.

I'm off to practice my acceptance speech. "I owe it all to the Advent Calendar and for inspiration for my role, my two former children."