Try to change the subject when discussing Santa's unmentionables.
It was a normal day. I was driving the kids to school and for once, Regan and Wesley were not bickering. I was singing Christmas carols off key.
Out of the blue, Wesley asks and I quote, "What kind of underwear does Santa wear?"
I immediately stopped warbling out "Silent Night" and froze like a possum caught in our backyard by an enormous Collie. Why did he ask? What did he ask? Why does he need to know?
Of course, Regan blurts out, "Why, Bubbie?"
In a strange logic, Wesley explained that he was worried about Santa getting a wedgie coming down our chimney. Our fireplace is not huge so I guess it was an appropriate question.
"Cause if he wears boxers, he'd really get wedgied." Wesley points out as Regan nods in agreement. "If he wears Ben Ten briefs, he could slide down easier but all the soot would make his underwear dirty. And bleaching Ben Ten makes it pink."
Wesley continues to enumerate the pros and cons of elf lingerie when I mutter under my breath, "I think he must wear a thong." (Insert ick factor--large older gentleman wearing a thong.)
Of course, Regan's keen hearing picks up Mommy's inside joke and ponders it. I knew she had no clue what a thong was but she says, "Yeah, a thong." Only, with her little speech lisp, it comes out "Bong". Santa smoking illegal substances is another thing I don't want to think about.
By this time, we arrive at the school and a very nice, very young, very new teacher opens the door for Regan who yells out, "SANTA USES A BONG."
So to dispell rumors, I laughingly tell the new teacher that I am just the carpool driver and I have no idea what those parents are teaching. Jeez, these parents today.
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4 comments:
After sharing another of your wonderful stories eith Mom, she suggests you compile them into a book. I wholeheartedly agree.
I totally agree with that book idea...I know I would definitely buy a copy. And thank you so much for this post. It could not have come at a better time. I'm just getting over a stomach bug and I really needed this laugh.
Hugs!
Merry Christmas to you all!
*hopefully Santa will lay off the Bong until after the holidays rofl*
Ooo, I third a book idea!
On the flea market, it's Sweetie's Flea Market in Hampton (south of Atlanta), closer to where I live. I'm back home now for Christmas break. There is one flea market in Dahlonega, but I haven't been to it yet and can't recall the name. Ask around town and I'm sure you'll find it (if you go, let me know how it was!). We got some great finds today!
Maybe that's why he's large!
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