Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Warning: Pizza is the second leading cause of near automobile accidents.

Cats are the first. But I digress. Dave is called away out of town and it falls to me to feed the kids (BONUS Warning: If you feed kids, they will never go away). Feeling lazy and not at all like June Cleaver, I call in an order to the local pizza parlor. I am in way disparging June. It had been a long day and I was tired. We get a large, gooey cheese pizza and an order of garlic knots. Garlic knots are these magical wonderful bits of homemade bread drenched in garlic and butter. They are my weakness and I would do just about anything to eat them.
We're pulling into the driveway when Wesley lets loose a high pitched scream that I swear, could break wine glasses. Apparently, Regan breathed on him and he was infected with Regan Cooties. According to Wesley, this is a terminal disease and it required immediate action. Not medical attention but retribution. He grabs Bob, Regan's stuffed pterodactyl, and throws it at my head. Regan begins to karate kick her brother who is continuing throwing her stuffed animals into the front seat. Instead of stopping the car and calmly talk to my kids, I grab Bob who has fallen down my shirt--the pervert and toss it back to Regan. Then in a horrifying minute, the garlic knots begin to slide out of the box. I made a split second decision to save the garlic knots and let the kids fend for themselves. After all, we have health insurance in case of serious injury and we have met our deductible for the year. Then BAM!!!. The passenger side mirror hits the side of the garage. I stop instantly. By the time I threw the car in park, both kids have mysteriously disappeared into the house. The damage is minimal. The mirror is fine as well as the garage. The only remnant was Bob the Pterodactyl who was an innocent pawn in the fight. So the lesson, readers, is not that inattention while driving is bad (it is) or that Regan needs to cull her stuffed animal posse (she does) or that Wesley overreacts (he does). No, the lesson of the day is garlic knots are worth any price to a hungry mother.

1 comment:

Kitten With a Whiplash said...

I've never heard of garlic knots before. I NEED THEM! NOW!