Warning 7/12/09

Never list your dog as one of your children in the newspaper.

I was rearranging Regan's baby book at a doctor's appointment when a passing acquaintance picked up the birth announcement from six years ago.

"Dave and Christy joyfully announce the birth of their daughter, Regan. Regan joins siblings Wesley age 2 and Zoe age 8." The person I barely know reads. "That's sweet."

Then the person cocks their head. "I didn't know you had Zoe."

As I attempted to extricate my fingers from the double sided tape I was using, I crankily answered, "Yeah, well, what can I do with the evil idiot? Once we adopted her, she really turned out to be a total witch. She's won't stop licking our toes and she's got really bad gas. If I have to clean up her messes one more time, she's going to live outside."

When I looked up from the tape, the acquaintance looked like she was having a heart attack. "I don't believe you." She gasped. "How could you adopt a kid with an attitude like that and you a social worker!"

It was then I realized they thought Zoe was human and not the totally meglo-maniacal Australian Shepherd. I tried to correct her error but she hurried off, aghast at my insensitivity.

I'm expecting a call from Child Protective Services soon.