Saturday, December 22, 2012

Warning: Necessity is really THE mother of children

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  I've concocted stories lies to make parenting easier.  The following is a partial list of the little white lies whoppers I've told to my children:

1.  The M in McDonald's does not mean that they only serve children on Mondays.

2.  Toys R Us is not really a toy museum and you can really touch the toys.

3.  Seeing a toy to buy on a commercial, well, is easier to buy that I've let on.  When the announcer says, "You must be 18 to buy," it does not mean that the child who would play with said toy has to be 18 years old to buy it.  In reality, I, as the parent, could buy it.

4.  There is not really a shortage of Wii games because of El Nino.

5.  The police didn't really threaten me with prison if you didn't eat all your veggies.

6.  The dogs will not really protect you if there is a zombie outside your window.  Since it is 1:30 a.m. when you stumbled down the hall to wake me and the dogs didn't even stir, it's a safe bet to say that Zack and Darby would probably sleep through an Undead Apocalypse.

7.  Even though taking Holy Communion will fill you up spiritually, this one little wafer will not tide your hunger over until we get home thirty minutes later. (I think Wesley has caught on to that one)

8.   Mommy is hiding the bag of jelly beans from you.  The dogs do not have the capacity or the thumbs to to open my secret stash so there is only one reason for the hiding--I don't want you to eat any jelly beans until I can fish out all the red ones.

9.  Telling my daughter that taking a sip of my coffee will result is in new orthodontia is really horrible.  I know that but in my defense, I need all my morning coffee.

10.  When I ask for patience during our morning prayer to school, it's not for parenting.  Rather it is for biding my time until I can escape to a tropical island without detection.

Bonus Lie:  I don't watch cartoons to monitor their content.  I just like cartoons.

For all of these sins and the ones I'm sure I've done but cannot remember because my daughter drank my coffee again, I am sorry.

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