Saturday, November 12, 2011

Warning: Trying to pick up a date at a Red Box outside Kroger is not a good idea.

There are several warnings in this post. It is an open letter to that gross looking guy who provided the inspiration for this warning.

1. Trying to pick up a date at a Red Box outside Kroger is not a good idea. Really, seriously? Just because I'm leaning against a vending machine does not constitute an invitation to coffee. I was just waiting for my hubby. There's a boatload of better pickup lines and venues than saying, "Do you use this machine often? Why don't we go over to the Steak and Shake and talk?"

2. If you feel the desperate need for companionship, visit the Dollar Tree store to buy some bifocals and hearing aid batteries. Wesley and Regan were with me although I did try to shake them in the floral department at Kroger. If an aging chubby redhead with two loud bickering children does not deter you, perhaps you need some mental health therapy or at least a 1-900 number to relieve your needs.

3. When I smiled smirked and rolled my eyes at you, I was being polite. I am no Red Box technician but when a sign is posted across the machine that says, "Not in Service", talking to it and asking me for a refund is well, a bit odd.

4. Calling your children the "goons" is a good indicator of that person being sort of mean. Come on...any person worth their salt should recognize that. And you still continue to ask that mean person (me) out. Again, you need therapy, bifocals and a business card for Busty Gals of the World 900 line.

5. Lastly, telling you "Go Away" (I used much stronger language) should make you go away. Finally you left after realizing the noises emanating from the broken Red Box machine was actually Wesley making rude bodily noises in an attempt to repel Regan.

I hope you have better luck at Blockbuster.

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