In addition to all these situations, my children have apparently decided to become lawyers. Below is a sampling of possible illegal activities I have conducted:
1. It is illegal for me to forbid Wesley from activating a Netflix account downstairs in the den. He contends that I am a Dictaphone (I think he meant dictator) and I "trample on his rights."
2. Telling Regan she cannot be a
- gator wrestler (Gator Boys),
- a surfer (after watching "Soul Surfer),
- a veterinarian,
- an employee of the Houston SPCA (thanks Animal Planet),
- a race car driver (much appreciated Danica Patrick),
- a doctor for turtles (this was an offshoot of the time Darby brought a humongous turtle up to the deck to play with it),
- a dog trainer (thank you Petsmart),
- a builder of monkey homes (I dunno. From Tarzan, maybe?),
- a worm breeder (I don't who put that idea in her head),
- and a school teacher
She wants to do this by the time she is sixteen years old. She has just a mere 6 years to go.
In my defense, I told her she can do anything she puts her mind to bu she still has to pass fourth grade so she'd better do her math homework.
3. When I handed Wesley his folded clothes, I committed a deadly assault. He wanted to call the police to have me arrested but I told him they were closed until 9:00 a.m. Fortunately, he forgot about his threats since I am still a free person.
4. The chore of feeding the dogs once a day is a clear case of blackmail. I don't know how but Wesley insists that I am an evil blackmailer.
5. When I made an emergency Diet Dr. Pepper run last night, Regan said I abandoned her. Never mind that Dave was at home with her--I still have temerity to leave and come back.
6. Lastly, when I told both Wes and Ray at separate times that I did not want to bake cookies, I was called a dictionary by Ray. After I stopped laughing, Regan stomped her feet, made a "UUUHHHH" noise and ran outside. Wesley just started his usual diatribe aka, "I am starving to death and all we have to eat is garbage..." yada, yada, yada. Oh, and I am starving my children by making them eat nutritious food.
Dear Readers, I implore you to write your local legislature to clarify some murky issues in laws in your respective state and/or country. Don't wait until Perry Mason names you in a civil lawsuit on behalf of your kids.
