We are snowed in here in Georgia. At first it was powdery and how cute it is we thought. Ray tried to sled down a hill but she weighed too little (how I wish I had the problem) so I ended up pulling her like a Budweiser Clydesdale.
This morning we woke to a slick sheen of ice that covered the snow. Zack the Collie raced down the deck stairs only to try to use the bathroom while sliding across the backyard. He managed to create a Jackson Pollack painting using nothing but snow, hair and well, pee.
So I leave y'all with a line(s)from another winter horror story....
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Warning: Never, ever make the blue jean fairy mad at you.
Never, ever make the blue jean fairy mad at you.
Recently the school that I teach at allowed the staff to wear blue jeans all week. Normally, I'd jump on that like a chocolate eclair but my poor deflated balloon belly has expanded. And I don't mean just a tiny bit. The last time an expansion like this was seen was during the Lousiana Purchase.
Well, because of this growth, I'm unable to fit into most of my blue jeans. I am down to five pairs of jeans--all in varying stages of wear.
Monday: I pull out of the garage and hear a large POP. Wesley jumps out of V-ger (for those who don't know about V-ger, it is my beautiful silver Dodge Avenger) and tells me that I ran over a can of green spray paint. I look at him and Wesley immediately denies using and leaving the can out. I get out and am drenched in Krylon Hunter Green. V-ger and Wesley escape unpainted. Adios Blue Jeans #1.
Tuesday: I bend over to tie one of my student's shoes when another POP. The button of Blue Jeans #2 shoots out and beans my student in the head. The resulting fit causes half the school to poke their heads out their doors just in time to see me hold my pants up in hand and the student in the other. Bon jour, Blue Jeans #2
Wednesday: It's pajama day. Although I am wearing my new pajamas, one of my students take delight in pulling the waist string to test its' strength. The string lasted an hour. I pull my emergency blue jeans out only to discover a huge rip down the backside. For a moment I consider wearing it but in the end, I staple the pajamas together and stay away from the children. Ciao, Blue Jeans #3.
Thursday: Cleaning a classroom is a full time job--especially during outbreaks of strep, flu, measles, colds and pink eye. And I excel at wiping down Legos, tables and children. Apparently keeping my jeans away from the bleach cleaner is also a full time job but I suck at it. Blue jeans #4 is now dotted with bleach down my right leg. Sayanora, Blue Jeans #4.
Friday: Blue Jeans #5 is my last pair. This pair manages to stay together all day but only because it was hot glued at the zipper. Aloha, Blue Jeans #5
Personally I don't think there is a blue jean fairy but a mad conspiracy by clothing companies to drive me insane.
Recently the school that I teach at allowed the staff to wear blue jeans all week. Normally, I'd jump on that like a chocolate eclair but my poor deflated balloon belly has expanded. And I don't mean just a tiny bit. The last time an expansion like this was seen was during the Lousiana Purchase.
Well, because of this growth, I'm unable to fit into most of my blue jeans. I am down to five pairs of jeans--all in varying stages of wear.
Monday: I pull out of the garage and hear a large POP. Wesley jumps out of V-ger (for those who don't know about V-ger, it is my beautiful silver Dodge Avenger) and tells me that I ran over a can of green spray paint. I look at him and Wesley immediately denies using and leaving the can out. I get out and am drenched in Krylon Hunter Green. V-ger and Wesley escape unpainted. Adios Blue Jeans #1.
Tuesday: I bend over to tie one of my student's shoes when another POP. The button of Blue Jeans #2 shoots out and beans my student in the head. The resulting fit causes half the school to poke their heads out their doors just in time to see me hold my pants up in hand and the student in the other. Bon jour, Blue Jeans #2
Wednesday: It's pajama day. Although I am wearing my new pajamas, one of my students take delight in pulling the waist string to test its' strength. The string lasted an hour. I pull my emergency blue jeans out only to discover a huge rip down the backside. For a moment I consider wearing it but in the end, I staple the pajamas together and stay away from the children. Ciao, Blue Jeans #3.
Thursday: Cleaning a classroom is a full time job--especially during outbreaks of strep, flu, measles, colds and pink eye. And I excel at wiping down Legos, tables and children. Apparently keeping my jeans away from the bleach cleaner is also a full time job but I suck at it. Blue jeans #4 is now dotted with bleach down my right leg. Sayanora, Blue Jeans #4.
Friday: Blue Jeans #5 is my last pair. This pair manages to stay together all day but only because it was hot glued at the zipper. Aloha, Blue Jeans #5
Personally I don't think there is a blue jean fairy but a mad conspiracy by clothing companies to drive me insane.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Warning: Feeding eggs to your dog will result in "egg butt".
Feeding eggs to your dog will result in "egg butt".
Zack, our goofy yet lovable Collie, has wolfed down some scrambled eggs about 20 minutes ago. Not that I mind--I managed to snag the bacon before he pounced.
What happens now should go down in the Geneva Convention rules for humane treatment of prisoners. Yes, the dog has such powerful gas that is responsible for global warming. Stop the presses, we have a new renewable energy source except that, we need gas masks whenever we get within two feet of Zack.
It amazes me that Zack shows no reaction, gagging or fainting when the smell hits. Personally, I claw at my throat and frantically search for the air masks to fly down from the ceiling. It is too late when I realize that I'm not on a plane and I manage to scramble outside.
Zack follows and I swear I see some squirrels with gas masks on. Nervy little buggers.
Zack, our goofy yet lovable Collie, has wolfed down some scrambled eggs about 20 minutes ago. Not that I mind--I managed to snag the bacon before he pounced.
What happens now should go down in the Geneva Convention rules for humane treatment of prisoners. Yes, the dog has such powerful gas that is responsible for global warming. Stop the presses, we have a new renewable energy source except that, we need gas masks whenever we get within two feet of Zack.
It amazes me that Zack shows no reaction, gagging or fainting when the smell hits. Personally, I claw at my throat and frantically search for the air masks to fly down from the ceiling. It is too late when I realize that I'm not on a plane and I manage to scramble outside.
Zack follows and I swear I see some squirrels with gas masks on. Nervy little buggers.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
'Twas the Day after Christmas
'Twas the day after Christmas
And all through my head
Came the pounding of light sabers
and children demanding to be fed.
With the hubby gone to his Sunday job
and here I am stuck with the kids and the dog
I slipped and fell on a stray green lego
and yelled until I was as hoards as a frog.
Finally the noise has subsided
and the dog stopped the howling doom
I just hope I can stay until New Year's
as a guest of the mental hospital's padded room.
And all through my head
Came the pounding of light sabers
and children demanding to be fed.
With the hubby gone to his Sunday job
and here I am stuck with the kids and the dog
I slipped and fell on a stray green lego
and yelled until I was as hoards as a frog.
Finally the noise has subsided
and the dog stopped the howling doom
I just hope I can stay until New Year's
as a guest of the mental hospital's padded room.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wow!
It's been almost one and a half years since I last posted. I apologize from the bottom of my very busy heart.
Let's see what has happened in that time....
1. No longer a social worker. Family circumstances changed so I changed careers. With a prayer in my heart and Dr. Pepper at my side, I took and passed the GACE (the teacher certification exam in Georgia). I am now an elementary school teacher! So many little minds to confuse and so little time!!!
2. Our beloved Aussie, Zoe, passed in February. She was 15 years old and arthritis had gotten the best of her. She no longer could terrorize the Collie, Zack. Dave and I made one of the most difficult decisions and had her put to sleep. We were with her when she died.
3. Wesley is in 4th grade and Ray is in 2nd. Neither has been arrested or charged with a crime. Both are doing wonderful both in school and in church. Both bicker to the point that I have to dye my hair every month to cover the stress-induced gray.
4. Dave is still on the local school board and is working for a local company. He still is the love of my life and my rock.
5. I have suffered no broken bones or any major medical trauma. For those who do not know, I am Queen Grace-less the Klutz. Any year we do not meet our out of pocket for insurance is a good year.
6. I still knit and bake. This past week, I've baked doggie treats for a Christmas present to our parish priest's dog. Zack was taste tester and seems to like them. I told him not to get used to weekly homemade treats. He replied with a belch and a snort.
Anyway, I will try my best to post weekly. I hope to hear from y'all.
Have a safe and Merry Christmas!!!
Let's see what has happened in that time....
1. No longer a social worker. Family circumstances changed so I changed careers. With a prayer in my heart and Dr. Pepper at my side, I took and passed the GACE (the teacher certification exam in Georgia). I am now an elementary school teacher! So many little minds to confuse and so little time!!!
2. Our beloved Aussie, Zoe, passed in February. She was 15 years old and arthritis had gotten the best of her. She no longer could terrorize the Collie, Zack. Dave and I made one of the most difficult decisions and had her put to sleep. We were with her when she died.
3. Wesley is in 4th grade and Ray is in 2nd. Neither has been arrested or charged with a crime. Both are doing wonderful both in school and in church. Both bicker to the point that I have to dye my hair every month to cover the stress-induced gray.
4. Dave is still on the local school board and is working for a local company. He still is the love of my life and my rock.
5. I have suffered no broken bones or any major medical trauma. For those who do not know, I am Queen Grace-less the Klutz. Any year we do not meet our out of pocket for insurance is a good year.
6. I still knit and bake. This past week, I've baked doggie treats for a Christmas present to our parish priest's dog. Zack was taste tester and seems to like them. I told him not to get used to weekly homemade treats. He replied with a belch and a snort.
Anyway, I will try my best to post weekly. I hope to hear from y'all.
Have a safe and Merry Christmas!!!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Warning 7/12/09
Never list your dog as one of your children in the newspaper.
I was rearranging Regan's baby book at a doctor's appointment when a passing acquaintance picked up the birth announcement from six years ago.
"Dave and Christy joyfully announce the birth of their daughter, Regan. Regan joins siblings Wesley age 2 and Zoe age 8." The person I barely know reads. "That's sweet."
Then the person cocks their head. "I didn't know you had Zoe."
As I attempted to extricate my fingers from the double sided tape I was using, I crankily answered, "Yeah, well, what can I do with the evil idiot? Once we adopted her, she really turned out to be a total witch. She's won't stop licking our toes and she's got really bad gas. If I have to clean up her messes one more time, she's going to live outside."
When I looked up from the tape, the acquaintance looked like she was having a heart attack. "I don't believe you." She gasped. "How could you adopt a kid with an attitude like that and you a social worker!"
It was then I realized they thought Zoe was human and not the totally meglo-maniacal Australian Shepherd. I tried to correct her error but she hurried off, aghast at my insensitivity.
I'm expecting a call from Child Protective Services soon.
I was rearranging Regan's baby book at a doctor's appointment when a passing acquaintance picked up the birth announcement from six years ago.
"Dave and Christy joyfully announce the birth of their daughter, Regan. Regan joins siblings Wesley age 2 and Zoe age 8." The person I barely know reads. "That's sweet."
Then the person cocks their head. "I didn't know you had Zoe."
As I attempted to extricate my fingers from the double sided tape I was using, I crankily answered, "Yeah, well, what can I do with the evil idiot? Once we adopted her, she really turned out to be a total witch. She's won't stop licking our toes and she's got really bad gas. If I have to clean up her messes one more time, she's going to live outside."
When I looked up from the tape, the acquaintance looked like she was having a heart attack. "I don't believe you." She gasped. "How could you adopt a kid with an attitude like that and you a social worker!"
It was then I realized they thought Zoe was human and not the totally meglo-maniacal Australian Shepherd. I tried to correct her error but she hurried off, aghast at my insensitivity.
I'm expecting a call from Child Protective Services soon.
Monday, July 6, 2009
I'm bbbbaaaccckkkk!
Yes, I'm back in the saddle again.
So much has changed over the last six months. I am now a certified elementary school teacher. I start the new school year in about 3 weeks and will be assigned to a Pre-Kindergarten class in my county's school district.
Very sad about leaving the Tree House but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. That includes insurance for family.
Please stay tuned. To celebrate my return from the Great Beyond (or at least the neighboring county), I'm going to be doing a yarn contest.
So much has changed over the last six months. I am now a certified elementary school teacher. I start the new school year in about 3 weeks and will be assigned to a Pre-Kindergarten class in my county's school district.
Very sad about leaving the Tree House but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do. That includes insurance for family.
Please stay tuned. To celebrate my return from the Great Beyond (or at least the neighboring county), I'm going to be doing a yarn contest.
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